Spiritual distress

My name is Adam. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia back in 1995. Much time has passed. As I have learned there may be other explanations to this would be disorder. The religous establishment calls it demon posession. New agers call it clairvoyance, and clairaudience. Now a days I see spirits within me, sometimes within others. As well as sometimes aura. Because sometimes I percieve things this way others say Im crazy. I no longer believe I am cursed but rather blessed. Blessed in the sense that my mind can percieve spirits that occupy, others bodies. Still others choose not to believe in spiritual things. My latest exploration in knowledge is leading me on a path that my former religon condems. That is studying the invocation and evocation process. My desire is to banish the evil within. My former church has failed to cast this spirit out. My vain attempts to cast this spirit out has failed. I can attempt to fast but that has hardly been a success. My prayers have been in vain apparently. What Im about to attempt may restore and heal me. On the other hand it may make me worse. Psch. Meds only barely baindaide my problem. Years of psycotherapy has been hardly a success. The questions that remain is why have I been granted this ability. Even christians are divided about this ability. Some call this a gift of the Holy Spirit. Other Christians say that this is a gift of Satan. I still wonder if this ability, should be used to benifit man somehow. Religon doesn’t seem to think so. I have read about Joan the Arc. If I was living in medieval times. I would be condemned as a witch, and burned at the steak, for posessing these abilities let alone talking about it. What I desire is to hear from whoever reads this and comment on this issue. Any feedback would greatly be appreciated.